Sam

Brooklyn + New York + united states + USA

The Story of a Girl…

Female + Pansexual / 23-29 / Asian / Spiritual/Non-denominational

My life, since I was a child, has been filled with secrets. I have always felt a silent shame in being who I was and looking the way I did. My mother has been such a present and loving force in my life, but she is a Jehovah’s Witness. Many people have so much criticism and judgments against JW’s beliefs, but I can only speak in defense of my mother who is such an accepting, loving soul.

During a random conversation about my failed abusive marriage and my beautiful child, she told me, “I always thought you were gay, and then, you gave me my grandbaby.” Then suddenly my mouth started moving before I could process exactly how to say what my mind has been dancing around with for years. So, I just blurted out, “You know I would date a girl, right?” I was shaken and didn’t think of any of the consequences my confession would bring, but she just replied, “Really? You would?”

And the best way I could describe my feelings to her was to say, “It doesn’t matter who they are. I care more for the connection.” My mom so nonchalantly said, “Okay well, I don’t care. I want you to be happy and I have my grandbaby.” And, we went about our day. Later I sat on my couch and just thought to myself, “Wow… did I really really just come out?”