The cursor flashes, steady and constant, synchronized with the pounding of my heart. My hands and legs shake in anticipation of what I am about to say. As fear begins to creep in, I breathe in – I am brave, I am bold, I will make no more apologies for who I am.
I am gay. There…it’s out.
They say that the truth will set you free. Well, this once trapped, crushed and broken bird has finally taken flight. This is me. This is who I am.
I turned 30 years old this year. I have three amazing, beautiful children and an incredible husband of 12 years. But for the best part of my life, I have never truly allowed myself to engage with the real me. Raised a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I was taught from a young age that same-sex attraction did not fit in with God’s eternal plan for happiness. True happiness was to be found in the formation of a traditional family unit. As a good Mormon girl, I soaked in everything I was taught and accepted. I followed the script. That tender, impressionable young girl had a mask placed upon her and she never even knew it had happened.
To be deeply loved and love in return is something that is so intrinsic and beautiful to human kind. As the years have passed I never allowed myself to engage with a part of me that was always there, and as a result it has left me feeling inadequate and unable to fully connect and love in the way that I should have.
Imagine looking into the mirror and only just seeing …you. The real you. Finally I have been able to remove the mask and I don’t feel the need to conform to any expectations of a perceived identity.
I feel stronger, more empowered than ever before. I have allowed myself total self-acceptance. This is my story to tell and I own my truth. I embrace who I am. I feel like I have been through a metamorphosis of the spirit and I can finally breathe… You only get one chance to live. No more hiding, no more apologies. This rainbow dragon is fierce and a fire has been ignited inside her very soul.