Not What I Expected

Demisexual + Female + Genderfluid + Queer / 17 and Under + 18-22 / Hispanic or Latinx / Christian

Me coming out to my mom was not what I was expecting. I always thought she would be okay with it, since two of her best friends are gay men, one is even a drag queen, and she’s always been so accepting and kind to them.

I was 16 years old, almost 17, when I decided it was time to tell her that I was a lesbian and I had a girlfriend of 8 months. I was in my room and I called her in. I knew I was going to get stuck, so I wrote it down on a piece of paper and handed it to her. She sat on my bed and started reading the piece of paper, and I immediately started crying, happy tears, because I was so relieved. She looked up at me and said, “honey, you’re confused, you’re not a lesbian. You’re too young to know.”

At that point I was just confused. I stared at her with a blank face and tears running down from it. I said, “I’m sure I’m not confused,” which she responded with, “of course you are! You’re 16! You don’t know what you want!” Next thing I know I’m crying, heart broken. As I’m crying, she stands up and hands me back the note, she starts heading for the door and says, “and stop crying, there’s NO reason for you to cry.”

A week later I had an event coming up two weeks after and I decided I wasn’t gonna go because I didn’t feel like it anymore, which to what my mother responds to “pfft, it’s because of that girl, isn’t it? She’s not letting you go isn’t she?” I explained to her that she didn’t care about to event, I just didn’t feel like going (which was the truth. She then asks “hold old is she anyway?” and I say that she’ll be turning 19 soon. She looks at me and says that she’s an adult and she can get in trouble with the law if anyone found out she was with a minor.

Two days go by and on this specific day, I got home from school. As soon as I walked in I noticed that my room was a complete mess, it was chaotic. I also noticed all of the “gifts” that my girlfriend had given me on top of my bed (I had hid them because my mom would’ve noticed that I had new things and would ask where I got them from). I knew my mom had gone through my room to find evidence that I was going out with someone two years older than me, and she did. She found very personal letters, love letters, funny letters, betraying my trust. I started crying but somehow managed to get a hold of myself because we had company. As soon as company left (just a few minutes after I got there) she walked in my room and made so many embarrassing questions, she even threatened to put her in jail if I didn’t break up with her.

I started arguing with her, saying how it didn’t make sense for her to be this angry if my girlfriend wasn’t even that much older than me, and then I even started talking about how good of an influence my girlfriend was and how she was in college and her family had money (something important for her). She said she didn’t care, she said that if I didn’t break up with her asap she would contact her lawyer, my girlfriends mother, and the police.

A few days go by and I still haven’t broken up with my girlfriend. My mother approaches me and tells me to get ready because we were going somewhere. She didn’t tell me where yet, but I grabbed her phone to see if I could find an address or something to tell me where we were going, but it automatically opened to a conversation she was having with my dad. I read everything. She told him that I *thought* I was gay, that an “adult” drilled in my head that I was gay, that I was blind and stupid. I finally come across a message from my mom that says “I just wish this was a nightmare and we could soon be awaken from it.” I broke down right there and went to the bathroom to get ready, for I didn’t find anything related to wherever we were heading.

Fast forward to the car ride, I finally asked her to please tell me where we were going, and she said I was going to therapy because I was clearly confused. We started fighting right there on the spot because I was livid and heart broken, I really wanted to jump out of the moving car. We eventually made it to the therapy clinic, where I angrily talked to the therapist about how this was stupid because I’m not confused and neither of us is doing anything wrong. The therapist asked me a lot of questions regarding my sexuality, and she finally came to her conclusion. She said, “you’re clearly very gay, so why don’t we talk about something else?” to which we did.

Fast forward to the event night, which my mother forced me to go. This is where I flushed many of the personal letters down the toilet, while I cried. I did not have fun at all that night, spent most of the time sitting and fake smiling at people, but it is what it is.
A few days later my mom asks me if I broke up with my girlfriend, to what I respond with “no.” She immediately because furious and grabbed her phone, screaming, threatening to call the police on her right on the spot. I started screaming at her, “fine, you win! I will break up with her!” I loved this girl a way that I couldn’t even imagined I could ever love someone, and I couldn’t let my mom throw her in jail for something stupid, so I broke up with her against my will a day later.

I’ll be turning 20 in a few months. My mother still pretends that nothing ever happened back when I was 16. She never brings it up, and I doubt she will any time soon. Me and my dad have never had a conversation about what happened, ever, he’s never even hinted anything about that time.

I’ve come out to all of my friends, co workers, and even SOME family members whom I trust. Not a single one of the people I’ve come out to have rejected me, and I’m happy that I at least have them.

I’ve also recently found out that I’m not a lesbian, but Demisexual, and yes, attracted to women AND men, but mostly women. I’m scared to talk about anything LGBTQ+ related with my dad and his side of the family, because they’ve always been extremely homophobic, but I hope that some day he will be more accepting.

I’m not even close to where I would like to be with my mother, but I really hope that one day she will open her eyes and accept me for who I am, because I love her, even after all of the things that happened.