Hi there and thanks for taking a little time to read my story. Seeing as this is Pride month, I decided to take some time and voice my story, for no other reason than to feel pride. And perhaps it may help others realise that it’s OKAY to be GAY. 🏳️🌈
I’m 30.. well actually 30 and a 1/2 and my open gay life only really started when I moved to London to attend drama school in 2007 at the age of 19 (even-though I was still not out to family and friends). Don’t get me wrong, I knew I was gay way before that but didn’t know how to deal with it especially living in a very small-minded town where being gay was not a cool or an accepted thing. Of course I had my best friend who I confided in; she was the only real person who knew.
Like many gay people I was verbally bullied for being gay/different (never physically thankfully), but I always stood my ground and brushed it off, never letting it affect me. I did however still find myself attracted to women which was also a mind fuck for me, but with age I realised that I wanted to spend me life and time with a man. There were many times when I didn’t help myself with the accusations i.e, mum catching me out when I racked up a bill for gay porn (oh the days of dial up internet!👨🏼💻) and got caught kissing a boy in the park!
But I didn’t know how else to deal with the feelings that I had. Of course I brushed all this off at the time. But people would always say ‘oh he’s gay’. I mean how can you say that about someone you don’t know?! I didn’t even know myself let alone anybody else.
Time passed and I had girlfriends and the odd gay fling here and there, but when I moved to London it was like I was able to be free and open without having anyone prying on me. I think the realisation hit for me when I started to meet new and open people. It was such a big help.
Falling for boys in college and having secret relationships was still a thing for me at this point, as I still didn’t come out for a long while probably due to the fact that I was studying with a friend from my home town who was very good friends with my ex-girlfriend (now a very close friend) and of course I was very afraid of how she would take the whole situation, but she took it incredibly well and was hugely supportive as she still it today!
Well….. I came out to my mum the following year (after conducting my first job where I met and fell for a beautiful guy – we are still good friends now) I went home for the week as my nan was very ill in hospital. Me and mum spoke about all sorts and she just casually asked how my love life was and for some reason I just couldn’t lie to her, so I told her I was bi-sexual (that old chestnut). I said I’m seeing a guy, told her his name, and showed her a picture. She was a little taken back but seemed OK and we talked and then went to bed.
Well…. the next day was horrible. She couldn’t look at me let alone talk to me which broke my heart. I didn’t know what to do. The day went on with small talk and isolation until the night when I had to have it out. We talked, we cried and hugged and it was better. Then sadly, four hours later, my nan passed away. This devastated the family completely and my coming out just didn’t seem of any importance and it wasn’t, so it was forgotten about. It wasn’t until about a year later when I met my first ever boyfriend and brought him home that I think she stared to realise, OK well this is not going anywhere. Let’s just say it didn’t go very well – neither of them felt comfortable.
It wasn’t until years later when my mum got engaged and I asked her if she had told her fiancé that I was gay. She replied ‘No’. Of course I asked ‘Are you afraid he would say that he doesn’t want me in the house?’ Well I think this was the breaking point. My beautiful mum broke down and said that there would be nothing in this world that could come between us and that I come first. No matter what, she LOVES me unconditionally. Me and my mum have such a great relationship now and I don’t think we’d have that if I hadn’t been open with her. I know that she looks back on me coming out and wishes she could have handled it better. But I don’t blame her and never will. I am just happy that I have her full support now and always. She is my rock and will continue to be my person forever. I Love You Mum. 💙
OK, moving on to Dad. This only happened 3 years ago at terminal 2 Heathrow over the phone! Haha! Well I was going away to do a contract and the rest of my family had informed me that they knew and supported me (due to a drunk family party where I came out to my cousin – thanks tequila! ). So, I thought, “why am I so scared to tell him?” Well part of the reason was that if he reacted badly, he could tell me that I could never see my little sister again and that put the fear in me, I suppose. But I called and told him and he said the following:
‘Oh mate, tell me something I don’t know, I knew you were gay when you used to ask me to go watch you in all them musicals. It doesn’t matter, we love you regardless, nothing changes.’ Well that was a shock to hear, but I was so glad I did it. For so many years I felt like I was hiding something from my dad and was never truly myself, but now we have a great relationship. I am finally my true self and never hiding anything. Alright, let’s not get too carried away, he’s still a pain the ass!
So there we have it, nothing too crazy but I am happy and proud of who I am and wouldn’t change it for the world. I am still single and that plays on my mind a lot, but I know that there is someone out there waiting to slide into my DM’s, haha!!
Peace and Love