Brian Driscoll

Canada + Kelowna

A Long Time Coming (Out)

Bisexual + Gay / 50-59 / White /

I realized at age 18, to my surprise and to my dismay, that I might be gay. Being homosexual was not the future I had seen for myself. The following year I revised that to bisexual, as it seemed more appropriate. It still does today, forty-plus years later.

I first came out as bi to my wife about thirty years ago. Next, about a decade later, I told a gay couple I know, one of whom was part of a circle of longtime friends. It was several more years before I began, very slowly, widening that coming-out circle to other friends and acquaintances, as well as exploring exploring my identity with the online gay community. This culminated, I suppose, a couple of years back when I decided to let my social media profiles show that I am gay. These include Facebook, Twitter and Google+, and my orientation is open to the public on all.

There is no good answer as to why I was so long in coming out. Yes, it was much harder to do so forty years ago than today, and being married and wishing to remain so was a complication I’ve never really overcome. And I do think that coming out is more complicated for bisexuals than it is for people who identify as homosexual. I can’t deny, however, that for many years I simply didn’t want to deal with being seen as a gay or bisexual person by everybody. I guess I never believed it was not really the trauma I imagined it would be.

Regrets? I’ve got a few. I really do wish I’d come out sooner. But there’s no time for regrets, not when I can, finally, enjoy being open about myself and enjoy being part of the gay community.