I like my women how I like my men, because I’m bisexual, but this was a long and hard road to discover that mostly takes place over 11 months.
My thoughts and feelings were first triggered when me and my straight friend were playing a crush game. I bet her £20 she couldn’t guess my crush (she did :() and at that point it was a guy, but halfway through she asked me “Is it a boy or are you a lesbian?” I answer “No, no I’m definitely straight, it’s a guy.” But this got me first thinking? Am I straight? I realised I did like some girls, but I didn’t want it to be anything.
The next month, my closest friends at the time started coming out, 1 came out as bi in April and another in July. This only made my situation worse as now this is all anyone was talking about and I started to feel under pressure to express my feelings too. By then this was July and I still hadn’t told a soul but I was getting close to really knowing I was queer. I knew I liked girls the same way I liked boys. 5 months had passed and I’d thought about it mostly every day. A 3rd friend came out as pansexual on the last day before summer. Now I was beginning to feel like telling someone.
All the summer I kept trying to find the courage to tell that straight friend (my best friend at the time) that I was bisexual. Then I was able to get it out of my mind for 2 weeks (mostly) when I went away to Jamaica for a vacation. We went back to school and I saw them again and I knew I had to do it soon. The first full week back, on that Monday night, I finally told her. She asked me if I fancied her and I said no but you’ll make someone very happy. This made her upset as she was the only straight friend in the group now as she realised. I told my 2nd closest friend who wasn’t in our “group” and she was so happy and said she knew it all along. I guess she was happy because during the summer she came out as queer to me.
The next night, I told my mum I was bi over text. She thought that I was only bicurious and would eventually choose a side. I was so upset. 2 more weeks passed and that other queer friend pressured me (not really I was ready) into coming out to 2 other friends. On the 23rd September, I came out on the internet to the world. On Sarahah someone posted a comment about how they ship me more with girls, and I accidentally posted it on my story forgetting that people I’m not out to could see it. For hours on end, I got questioned on my sexuality.
The next night, to stop the questions because I was so frustrated with myself, I confirmed my bisexuality on my story. The morning after, a boy outed me in front of 11 people who didn’t know. He didn’t even see the story so the word had spread. I got asked if I had ever dated a girl, I had to lie and say no and pretend to have forgotten a week long fling I had during a summer. That’s it for the next 2 months.
People knew what I was but I got nothing but praise. Then I got into my first REAL relationship with a girl on the 11th November. We dated until the 8th December when I was doing my mocks and I drove her away because I moaned too much and it just didn’t work. But we kissed on the 2nd December. My first kiss. Ever. I loved being with a girl. Just as much as I would a guy. I love who I am and I’m glad I came out. I don’t regret it like I thought I would. I feel like a whole new person. I still need to come out to my whole family though.
Just like I said, I like women how I like men.