Nico

New York + united states + USA

I Wanna Be Me

Gay + Male / 23-29 / Mixed / Catholic

I wanted to come out many times before my coming out day, but I was scared. I grew up as an only child who went to Catholic school from Pre-K through high school and was raised in a Filipino/Belgian and very Roman Catholic family, and I was terrified with how they would react to me saying, “I’m gay.” I didn’t plan when to tell my family, it just happened because I had enough… enough of hiding, enough of lying, enough of not being myself. I wanted to be me, the true me. I can never forget my coming out day. It was November 22, 2012… Thanksgiving day, during lunch.

My parents and I just finished watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade on TV and were eating lunch. As usual in conversation, my mom would say things like “marry a Filipina nurse” and “I’ll save this for your future wife,” and I was so done constantly hearing that because I knew it would never happen. And then, just like that, it happened just, I told them. I said, “Enough, I need to be honest with you both. I love you, but there’s something I need to tell you… I’m gay.” Once I said it, the room was quiet. There was nothing I could do to take it back, but boy was it a weight off my shoulders.

After a few minutes, my mom and dad started to ask me questions. There was no disappointment or anger, they just wanted to understand. I was glad and I answered all their questions. I made it clear to them that I’m still the same son they raised, just one that’s into guys. After our conversation, they said they’ll always love me no matter what. My dad accepted me that day while my mom was in denial and didn’t come to accept me until a year later (and I was ok with that). I know it wasn’t planned for me to come out on that day, but I knew it was the right time to. Since that day, I’ve been able to live my life the way I please… being the true me I want everyone to see.