I Always Knew

Gay + Male + Polyamorous + Queer / 17 and Under + 18-22 / Mixed / Athiest

I never questioned my sexuality. For me, questioning my sexuality was confirming it.

When I was younger, I would have dreams and fantasies about guys that I liked, and I wasn’t ashamed of it until I started being taught that homosexuality was a sin. I would click on Youtube videos and I liked to see guy on guy action. I knew that I liked it, but I would always go back to “Isn’t this wrong?” or “Why are they doing this?” Three years after my mother passed away, I started questioning my beliefs and asking myself why would God create gay people, and then tell us that it’s wrong to be gay. That was always confusing to me.

Eventually, I examined the Bible for other contradicting passages and ended up as an atheist. Later the same year, I started deeply thinking about my sexuality and telling myself that I had to come to terms with it. And when I did, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. My family accepts me and it still gets to me that I never got to tell my mother. On the bright side, I accept myself and I am comfortable in my own skin.