Minnie Glee

Connecticut + united states + USA

My Husband Was Confused, Not Me

Ally + Asexual + Gender non-binary + Pansexual + Queer + Questioning / 30-39 / Asian / Athiest

When I was growing up in the ’90s, the only two letters I really knew of LGBT were L and G. Moreover, my friends made a lot of homophobic comments on gaming forums and chat rooms. Being raised in a household where sex was not discussed, I didn’t have to worry if I didn’t talk about it. I just focused on my studies and didn’t talk about it.

However, when I started going deeper into my 30s, the heteronormativity started closing in and I had to assert myself. One thing that irritated me about some of my friends was although they’re non-religious, they would give spurious evolution psych explanations for this behavior. Some people in jobs who were labeled virgins did not get promoted.

After reading some books and really thinking about it, I came out to my husband this year and he was confused. He wondered if I was going to leave him, or if I was going to grow a penis. There are some butch lesbians in my area, who do not identify as gender queer. I told him, as a panromantic, the person’s gender doesn’t matter, so it won’t affect our relationship.

For a few years, I tried to wear feminine clothes but it didn’t work for me. I was definitely in hardcore egg mode at that time. I started going back to guys’ clothes even though people say it’s not right at my age, and it’s hard to find stuff that is work appropriate. I dress like a metro guy rather than full-on stud or butch.

A lot of people don’t agree with my statements and feel that it trivializes the Kinsey 6 gay experience or the binary trans experience. People who are on that side of the spectrum definitely get more challenges from society earlier on, but although our challenges are milder at the outset, people really don’t understand as much. That is why I identify not just as queer but also as an ally.