Alvar Brännbäck

Sweden

How I Found Out That I Preferred Boys More Than Girls

Gay + Male / 17 and Under / White / Athiest

Right now I’m accepting the fact that I myself like guys. I’m waiting for the moment when I have the courage to come out as gay to my whole family. Anyways let’s start with the story.

It started in 2nd or 3rd grade, me and this girl that I *thought* I liked were on the swings and we were just well, swinging together. Later this girl sat closer to me and in my 9-year-old mind, I panicked. And I quickly ran inside (yet again this was when I was 9 don’t judge me). I don’t know why I ran away from her, she must have been upset after that. Fast-forward to 5th grade, I was sitting on the stairs until a guy that I am no longer friends with sat next to me. We talked a bit until he scooted a few inches closer to me. Yet again I panicked and told him “Don’t sit close to me, I don’t want people to think I’m gay”. In 6th grade, Puberty happened. I was starting to get hairs on my junk, armpits and even in my asscheeks. I would get easily aroused by girls and there was a girl that I used to like. I gave that girl a valentines day gift but I instantly regretted it. A few days later it seemed like no one remembers the little “incident” and I felt relieved for some reason. Then I for some reason started spying on guys and one guy in my class would spy on me from time to time. I looked at him while he was looking at me and we made eye contact, and I just felt joyful and I fell in love with him. One day while I was thinking alone in my room it felt like it all made sense. I don’t consider having relationships with girls and preferred boys more. It just all made sense to me.

So I am proud (and nervous) to come out as Gay. If you are in a situation like I was my tip is to just think about your experiences with girls, do you like them? Do you consider having children with women? Just think about your past and come with terms about your identity.