2017. Sixth grade. Labels. Hierarchies. Opinions. Phones. These were all key factors in my coming out journey.
So, just to start things off, I’m pansexual… and I’m female. When I was in fourth grade I only hung out with boys. One of the boys liked me. I thought I liked him back… Everyone said I was weird and annoying, but I was full of self-confidence. Then I got to middle school. I was researching a project and I stumbled across a gay dating website. I was confused that a boy would like a boy, then I was really confused when I found out that girls could like girls. Then, it hit me that I could like girls.
I had always thought that boys were like muscular angels on earth. They were cold, and rock solid. I liked their masculinity. Then I started to think about girls… I pictured them as warm and soft. Huggable. They were sweet and nice and always paired with boys because warm went with cool. Then I was curious and went back to the gay dating website and saw girls dating girls. They looked like warm happy joyful couples. And they looked like normal people. I had always thought that if you were LGBTQIA+ you would look different, strange.
I was in P.E., playing basketball, and a girl on our opponent’s team took a shot. I blocked it, and it fell to the ground, where she lunged to retrieve it. I quickly grabbed it before she could reach it, and she looked at me as if no one had ever been better than her. She asked me to give her the ball, and I said “No.” She looked really confused. No one ever said “no” to her. I always thought she was intimidating, but then I started to see her in a new way. She walked by me with no shirt on in the locker rooms, and I blushed really hard. She was so tough, like a boy, and dressed like one too, but she just radiated with self-confidence, and I was attracted to that. Her being a girl made me very confused as to why I was feeling this way.
Aw man. Word limit. Well, in the end, I figured out that I was pansexual, and I was able to come out to my mom and a couple of friends. The end.