Christopher

Singapore

Coming Out and the Confession That Changed My Life.

Gay / 17 and Under / Asian / Buddhist

Singapore, a small island-nation located at the southern tip of Malaysia is a sovereign nation that sought independence in the year 1965. Though it might have been developed into a first-world country with high human development index and extensive welfare programmes, one it fails miserably at is the freedom of sexual orientation. Though this question has been raised, the government has yet to answer it.

Being a Singaporean Chinese, living according to the many traditions and culture it’s deeply enriched in, being gay is a taboo in my family. But, against all odds, I came out to my friend on September 19th out of the blue. I said out of the blue because I had no intention to come out at that point of time. It was because of one simple question, and that question was “Who do you have a crush on?” And when I softly blurted out the answer, my best friend heard it all.

At first, I didn’t know what to say or do, all I did was sit there without reactions and waiting for her to come to her senses. She was relatively shocked for that moment before she came alive again and told me it was all right and gave me her full-on support. I was touched. I told her to keep this a secret as I didn’t want the whole class to know my sexual orientation, fearing the array of negative reactions I might get when this secret leaks out.

This secret was kept strictly between the two of us till October 2nd, when I, for no valid reasons confessed my feelings for a straight guy in class whom I have had a crush on since March. Because there were 2 other friends at that time who acknowledged my confession, it meant that I came out to 5 other friends. I said 5 because out of that 2 other friends, one spread the word that I came out and confessed to another 2, but I was totally fine with that because I knew from the start that they were all very supportive of gay rights.

Unfortunately, that confession I made resulted in a grave ending. Instead of remaining friends, the both of us kept a long distance away from each other in terms of communications and since that day, we have been ignoring each other. I don’t blame him for that though, I can totally understand how he feels.

By the way, I am 14 when I came out and also 14 when I wrote this story. I have yet to come out to my parents but if I really have to, I will. But that will be when I start working and have enough to support myself because otherwise, the possibility of them disowning me is extremely high and I do not wish for that to happen. Furthermore, I have not completed my studies, which is crucial in a society that prioritises education in order for you to have a better future.