Two weeks ago, I was at an LGBT Mormon conference and I finally heard a term that felt more like my experience than just “bisexual.” Despite 11 years of dating only men, and being genuinely physically attracted to them, “bisexual” didn’t explain why it wasn’t working for me.
“Bisexual, homo-romantic” was uttered and it clicked! That’s me! Sexually attracted to men and women but only falls IN LOVE with women.
I started my coming out journey two-and-a-half years ago, at the age of 32. THIRTY-TWO! I was mortified. I grew up Mormon, and most of my family, extended family, and friends are Mormon. I went to a Mormon college. I wasn’t sure how my friends or family would respond and I was scared to death that I’d be totally rejected by EVERYONE, not just for being bi but for lying about it for so long.
When I first started coming out over the phone to my most trusted friends, I told them I wasn’t planning on dating women, but I wanted to be honest about my experience. The first several friends all had the same question… “HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN’T BE HAPPIER?!”
I’d never thought I might be the one preventing my own happiness! That realization was DEEPLY humbling, and I decided to consider dating a cool woman I knew. I fell in love with that woman and, eventually, I asked her to marry me. Then, because of an anxiety disorder, I let my church’s and family’s disapproval get me so badly that I stopped functioning. It effectively destroyed my relationship and almost myself.
I’m still trying to figure out what to do with my life, religion, and family, but being more sure of who I am and knowing that God/the Universe loves me more when I’m being me, is the only way I will find happiness. Pray/put good energy out there for me! I love the real you!