Sebastijan

Luzern + switzerland + USA + Utah

Better Late Than Never…

Gay + Male / 18-22 + 23-29 + 30-39 / White / Mormon

Hi there, my name’s Sebastijan – but people usually tend to call me Seb.

I’ve always been either the odd one out, the last kid to be picked to be on the soccer, or any ball sport, team during P.E. and was always “too nice for a boy,” which I’ve found very confusing. In about the 5th or 6th grade, in Switzerland, we had sex ed and by the end of the week everyone received a magazine with everything summed up. On the very last page there were lots of phone numbers to call for even more information, numbers to get help if you’re struggling with something and even some websites where you could sign up and talk to like minded teenagers, aka homosexuals, lesbians and bisexuals. Which I went home and immediately checked out. Why, I had no idea but I just wanted to make friends…

We get to the 9th grade and I started practicing Kung Fu, I loved it and found a place where I belong and made lots of new friends and one very special friend. We hung out, went to the movie theater, played video games and just had a great time together. After being friends with him for about 3 months, he decided to tell me he’s gay and left me completely shocked, I don’t know or remember why I was shocked, but it left me perplexed and I stopped hanging out with him and going to practice. It took me about a month and a half to get the guts together to see him again, we saw a movie and after that we went to a restaurant to talk. We had talked about everything but the fact that he was gay. I tell him I think he was brave to come out to me and that I was like him, that I liked guys. After that we became best friends.

That summer I left to be a foreign exchange student in Utah, which I was so stoked to do!! It was one of the best years of my life. There I found this “wonderful” religion, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints. I loved it, the community, the church and had found god. The year passes by and I feel more and more, we’ll call it, the “urge” I would need to join this church.

I return to Switzerland and start hanging out with my best friend again. We hang out, go out clubbing and partying. He tells me that he likes me and I was very flattered. Few months go by and I start falling deeply in love with him, while he also felt strongly for me, but it was not love. We continued being great friends. The following Spring I return to Utah and since I turned 18 I decided to join the church, because at the time it felt like I should do that.

Fast forward to me being 21, I’ve been involved in the church since I was about 16. I knew I was gay, I also knew the church was against their members being homosexual. I thought I could “pray the gay away.” I started preparing for an LDS mission, did everything to go on one, even went to the temple. Come a month before I was supposed to leave, who do I run into? The guy I first fell in love with, mind you I have not seen him since I was 18, (he was strongly against me joining the church). Old feelings return and I knew at that time I had to come out to family. All I was lacking were the balls to do so. So I wrote down my feelings to my mother, sister and brother and gave them that as one of their Christmas presents, so I gave them their letters at the same time on Christmas 2015 and they were all very accepting. But yet I had a 2nd family I had to come out to, my Utah family.

That proved to be more difficult, because I feared they would disown me, not talk to me again and that I would lose everything that I built with them the past years. So in 2016 October something I had decided that I would publicly announce my coming out to everyone. I wrote a long sappy post and received the most positive feedback from everyone. And those who did not support me they left and I couldn’t even tell you who those people are today.

Moral of the story, do it when you’re ready.

Do not be afraid.

Those who love you will love and support you.

And know every other person of the LGBTQIA+ community is there for you.

I love you all and thanks ♥️ @sebshares