Frustration

Lucille

New York + USA

Frustration

Bisexual + Female / 17 and Under /

When I found out that I was bisexual it was a tough thing to accept. At the time I was quite religious so, naturally, I thought that I would be going to hell because now all of a sudden, I like a girl, who was also one of my friends.

I remember sitting in bed crying that night because I admitted that I liked her and she also admitted it as well. I thought this couldn’t be happening. We like each other so now what?

So I started getting excited because this was something new for me (I’m quite the risk taker sometimes). But, unfortunately, everytime I tried talking about the topic she always seemed to avoid it. I remember telling her that, for the past month, all I’ve thought about was her. But she responded with a lame “yeah.” By this point I was confused. Does she actually like me or is she saying that because she felt bad that I liked her and she didn’t? Things got worse when she started dating a guy that I never really liked. But she seemed so happy so I thought maybe it was time for me to move on.

At first, I dated other guys and I thought, “I’m straight again, I’m cured.” But then when she started experiencing severe problems in her relationship, she turned back to me for comfort and I gave it to her. Keep in mind that this was really difficult to hide when your family thinks you’re straight.

Things didn’t work out in the end because she took too long. Even at the end when we finally got together, it just wasn’t happening. She just could not say ‘I love you’ and it killed me that I gave her my emotions and everything but apparently that wasn’t enough.

However, my conclusion is that I’m bisexual and proud. My family still doesn’t know because I haven’t told them anything about my relationships, but hopefully I’ll soon tell them.